


Shooting Star

by nihilBliss



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alien Biology, Alien Sex, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Porn, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blind Terezi, Bulges and Nooks, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Canon-Typical Violence, Cunnilingus, Depression, Earth C (Homestuck), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Existential Angst, F/F, F/M, Gratuitous Smut, Heavy Angst, Hermaphroditic Trolls (Homestuck), Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Minor Terezi Pyrope/Vriska Serket, Oral Sex, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Pale-Caliginous Vacillation, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Possibly Unrequited Love, Post-Canon, Rough Kissing, Rough Oral Sex, Troll Anatomy, Troll Genitalia, Trolls (Homestuck)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-29
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-10-17 17:18:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17564720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nihilBliss/pseuds/nihilBliss
Summary: It's been a rough couple of years for John Egbert. So when he sees a shooting star, he figures he might as well wish on it. Little does he know that doing so will lead to a long, dark night.ORIn Which Terezi Pyrope Behaves Erratically For Reasons That Become All Too Clear All Too Soon.





	1. Angle of Repose

On the night of March the 13th, John Egbert leaned against the railing of his deck and stared at the star-studded sky, weary but far from tired. Four years ago, he and his friends created this universe and stepped into it to reign as monarchs and gods. But the people didn’t need kings, and he had no desire to be a deity. He was barely an adult. So mostly, he kept to himself, save for occasions when it mattered to have a unified showing.

His ceremonial role and the quiet comfort it afforded him made him feel like a toy train on a hobbyist’s track — not so bad when the world was new and full of unexpected things, but all luster must eventually dull. Over time, pieces faded or broke, and the world grew flat and plain. Soon, there would be only the train and the track and the empty cycle.

“When did I get so morbid?” he muttered. The chill wind cut through his meager shirt, and he briefly considered switching into his godtier clothes. But his shivering grounded him, pinned him to the now.

He’d never really cared about astronomy, but there were nights he remembered stargazing through Dad’s telescope when he was younger, in a world that was long dead. Of all the things to miss, he never expected the constellations to be one of them.

A light flashed across the night — a shooting star. Dad would always tell him to make a wish if he saw one.

“I wish something would change,” he said to himself, barely conscious of the words leaving his lips. It was silly, but maybe a little childish magic wouldn’t hurt. He stared into the sky, waiting for some sign of, well, anything at all; Dad never said what came after you wished. But the sky was cold, clear, and ruled only by the silent stars.

John stared down at the grass below for a moment, embarrassed by his childish turn. Maybe it was time to at least try and sleep. If he laid down, maybe the warmth would help.

With a sigh, John took one last look at the stars. He caught a flash of light in the sky, another shooting star, maybe? But no, this wasn’t going away. In fact, if anything, it was...

“Oh, shit!” John swore. There was no mistaking it. The object grew larger and brighter in the sky, burning through the atmosphere, almost certainly set to crash to earth. John readied himself to take to the air as the white light turned orange-red. Whatever it was, it was sure to land close, and he couldn’t risk it landing on somebody’s home.

But John miscalibrated. He expected close to mean somewhere within a few minutes’ flight, maybe within a few miles of his home.

John did not expect close to mean directly into his solar plexus. He was struck by both surprise and the UFO.

John tumbled head-over-heels, slamming into the wall. All his protagonistic instincts screamed at him to get up, figure out what happened, and hopefully avoid dying horribly. But he was occupied with more pressing objectives, such as catching his breath.

For a falling object, it was at least somewhat considerate, as it moved into his vision of its own volition.

“WH4T’S UP 4SSHOL3?” said Terezi, grinning like a bear trap. She stood with her hands on her hips, casting a decidedly draconic shadow with the wings of her jetpack. She snapped, retracting them into her sylladex.

John’s oxygen-deprived, possibly concussed brain took its time processing the scene. He blinked like the light on a CD drive reading a scratched Little Monsters DVD from the public library - that is, frequently and in such a way that whoever’s hoping for a response gets worried. Eventually, with a sound, it all clicked.

“What the SHIT, Terezi?!?!” went the sound. “You could have killed me!”

Terezi jutted her chin out and rubbed it, pondering.

“W3LL TH4T JUST DO3SN’T 4DD UP,” she pontificated. “TH3 F4CTS OF TH3 C4S3: YOU’R3 GODT13R SO YOU C4N’T D13 UNL3SS 1T’S H3RO1C OR JUST.”

John clutched his aching stomach, trying to stand. Why the hell was Terezi pulling her court routine?

“F4CT: TH3R3 4R3 V3RY F3W W4YS TH4T G3TT1NG H34DBUTT3D TO D34TH BY 4 SP33D1NG TROLL COULD B3 H3RO1C. 4ND S1NC3 YOU D1DN'T 3X4CTLY JUMP 1NTO MY P4TH TH4T 3L1M1N4T3S MOST OF TH3M,” she continued.

John heaved as his cracked ribs reknit themselves.

“TH4T M34NS 1F 1 COULD H4V3 K1LL3D YOU 1T WOULD H4V3 B33N JUST. SO T3LL M3 JOHN,” she said, placing a hand on his chest and pinning him against the wall with her considerable strength. “H4V3 YOU B33N 4 B4D BOY?”

Disoriented as he was, John managed a blush.

“What do you want, Terezi?” he asked.

“YOU H4V3N’T S33N M3 1N Y34RS 4ND 1 G3T 4 ‘WH4T DO YOU W4NT’?’” she mocked. “4R3N’T W3 CLOS3R TH4N TH4T? OR D1D YOU JUST BL4NK OUT 3V3RYTH1NG 4FT3R K4RK4T W4LK3D YOU THROUGH W1GGL3R’S F1RST C4L1G1NOUS CRUSH ON M3?”

“I don’t know what the hell is going on,” John said.

“NO SURPR1S3 TH3R3. 1 L3FT TH3 FURTH3ST R1NG 4ND C4M3 B4CK TO 34RTH C. 1 SM3LL3D YOU H4NG1NG OUT ON TOP OF YOUR H1V3 4ND 1 THOUGHT ‘OH 1T’S LORD F4RT W1ND K1NG OF TH3 BUTTHOL3S.’ 1 W4NT3D TO M3SS W1TH YOU FOR OLD T1M3S’ S4K3 SO 1 D3C1D3D TH3 B3ST W4Y TO ST4RT WOULD B3 TO CR4SH H34DLONG 1NTO YOUR M1DS3CT1ON,” she said. “1 F33L L1K3 TH4T’S PR3TTY OBV1OUS. WH4T 4R3 YOU NOT G3TT1NG?”

John rolled his eyes.

“Still a fucking weirdo,” he said. Terezi cackled.

“COM3 ON 1S TH4T 4LL YOU GOT? D1DN’T KNOW YOU’D TURN3D 1NTO 4N 3V3N B1GG3R W33N13.”

“Who even says weenie? Did flying around in space turn you into a pubescent nutjob who eats chalk again?”

“TH4T’S B3TT3R,” she said, “BUT 1 N3V3R STOPP3D 34T1NG CH4LK DUMB4SS.”

“Well, I’m glad we cleared that up,” he said, still very aware of their closeness. He pushed her arm away, but she pinned him to the wall with her forearm once again.

“Dammit Terezi, what?”

“4R3N’T YOU GO1NG TO S4Y H3LLO?”

He stared at her, dumbstruck. Words formed and died on his lips, a whole ecosystem of dismay cycling through generations on fast-forward. John eventually took a breath.

“Alright, Terezi. Hello. Welcome back to Earth. I’m glad you’re safe. I’m really honored to be the first person you decided to harass, and I’m not at all angry about how many of my bones you cracked or that you chose to pick on me because I was the first living thing you saw.”

“S4W?” Terezi said.

“Oh my god, just tell me what you want and stop fucking around.”

“BUT WH4T 1F TH4T’S WH4T 1 W4NT?” she said, grin growing broader, eyelids drooping into a decidedly bedroom-ish glare behind her glasses.

“Wait, what?” John said through a gulp.

Terezi sighed dramatically. She let John go and walked through the door into his house.

“Hey, where are you going?”

John picked up his pace to follow her inside, downstairs, into his kitchen. By the time he caught up, she was kneeling on his kitchen counter, sniffing around through his snack cabinet.

“Uh, if you want something to eat, I can help you find… hey!”

John dodged the bag of cheese puffs Terezi lobbed across the room.

“GOT 4NYTH1NG CH3RRY-FL4VOR3D?” she asked, absent.

“Yeah, there’s Gushers… stop throwing my food all over the place, asshole!”

She had in fact by now emptied half of a shelf onto the floor and was tearing into an unopened box of Gushers. Terezi ripped a packet open and dumped the whole thing into her mouth, chewing messily, sugar and artificial red dye running down across her glossy black lips.

“T4ST3S L1K3 SUG4R,” she said. “TH3S3 SUCK.”

“It’s candy, idiot,” John snapped. “You happy now?”

Terezi shrugged, dumping the remainder of the Gushers packets into the sink. John threw his hands in the air and stomped into the living room.

“H3Y DORK!” Terezi called, following.

“What?” John shouted. “What do you even want?”

Terezi sneered, a throaty chuckle vibrating up her throat.

“1 W4NN4 G3T YOU 4NGRY,” she said. She grabbed him by the shoulders and slammed him against the wall, one leg between his. “4ND 1 W4NN4 P41L.”

With that, she went straight for his earlobe, catching it between her sharp teeth. She tugged it a little, then licked it, and John bit back a breathy groan. Terezi loved how sensitive human ears were, especially John's. His face went scarlet, and when Terezi leaned away, she smiled.

“TH4T'S TH3 CH3RRY 1 W4S HOP1NG FOR,” Terezi said.

He shivered and stammered for a moment, like a car with its transmission stuck between aroused and furious. Terezi crossed her arms and licked her lip once again, slow and seductive.

“You were hate-flirting this entire time…” John said, blinking slowly. Then, the anger came back. “Four fucking years, and the first thing you do is try to goad me into some stupid hate-hookup?”

“DUH,” she said. “DO YOU W4NT TO G3T L41D OR 4R3 YOU CONT3NT TO ST4ND 4ROUND ST4T1NG TH3 OBV1OUS?”

John groped for words, which was a shame, as Terezi had far more interesting things for him to grope. His hands even made the right motions as he stammered.

“You could’ve just asked,” he finally said.

“1 D1DN’T KNOW YOU W3R3 TH4T 34SY,” she said. “BUT 1 L1K3 4 L1TTL3 FOR3PL4Y.”

“You are insufferable,” John said.

“DO3S TH4T M34N Y3S?”

A spark of the old kismesis flared up somewhere within John.

“Well, if that’s what you think it takes to hate-flirt me into bed, you really must have a bad opinion of me,” he said, sneering. “I mean, your entrance was good, but throwing snacks around my kitchen? Come on, you trolled me better when we were kids.”

Terezi’s nostrils flared. She blinked, very clearly off her rhythm. John now had the upper hand.

“YOU DON’T H4V3 TO S3DUC3 M3 B4CK DORK4SS,” she said. “YOU’R3 PL3NTY 4NNOY1NG WH3N 1 JUST TH1NK 4BOUT YOU.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere,” John replied, “but I’m glad you hate-fantasize about me.” Terezi growled, just a little, and his heart raced. Yeah, he could get back into this.

“WH4T DO3S D1R3CT FORC3 DO FOR YOU?” Terezi asked before wrapping her arms around John’s waist and bodily lifting him. John flailed with surprise, but Terezi kept her balance. “T3LL M3 WH3R3 YOUR R3SP1T3 BLOCK 1S OR W3’R3 GONN4 TR4SH YOUR COUCH.”

“Upstairs, end of the hall,” John said. His heart raced. Terezi’s grasp sent thoughts jolting through his head and warmth rushing to his groin. Maybe her idea of foreplay deserved credit. Her arms certainly did.

Terezi kicked his bedroom door open and pinned him against a wall, immediately licking his entire face, something John had in the past found weird as fuck, much like most of Terezi’s gestures of affection. But, in the present context, his breathy protest of “fucking weirdo” took on a different tone. Terezi grinned that sharp grin of hers, licking her teeth. She placed them ever so gingerly on John’s windpipe, and he gasped, recoiling on instinct. But Terezi had him truly pinned, so all he could do was squirm under her affections.

“Fuck, Terezi,” he said, breathy. She knew damn well how sensitive his neck was. But soon enough, she released him and moved to his lips for a much more straightforward kiss. John gripped her hair and pulled them close together. Terezi tugged at the collar of John’s shirt, her claws scraping his skin oh so delightfully.

They parted for a moment, both breathing heavy, regarding each other in their own ways. She really was pretty when she wasn’t acting like a goblin. Too bad that was most of the time.

She shoved him across the room and onto the bed, where he landed face-up. She straddled his hips before he could do anything, and she balled his shirt in her fists.

“W4NT M3 TO H3LP YOU G3T TH1S OFF?” she asked, not waiting for an answer before she tore it open.

“Goddammit, Terezi,” John swore, before attempting the same. Whatever trolls made shirts of was strong, and after a strained struggle, Terezi chuckled and pulled her top off. Her sneer said plenty; she instead took one of John’s nipples between her teeth and revelled in its texture.

“Sensitive…” John managed, fists balling in Terezi’s hair. She eased up and licked at John’s chest and neck. Meanwhile, her hand eased his fly open and slipped between his legs. Terezi only had vague memories of what humans were like below the belt, but it was pretty similar at least. Dry, non-prehensile bulge, check. Shame globes, check — pretty big, too. No nook, sadly, but between those cheeks, there was something that might do the job..

“Whoa!” John cried, grasping Terezi’s wrist and tugging it free of his pants. “That’s, uh… we’re not doing that.”

Terezi sat up, hands on her thighs.

“WH4T’S UP?”

“Uh, I’m not into, err, that is, I’m not really,” he searched for the words, stalling. “Just, uh, don’t put anything up my butt.”

“OK4Y,” she said. “W3LL, UH, SORRY 1 GU3SS.”

“Don’t worry about it!” John insisted. “It’s fine. I’m not, you know... we can still do this if you want.”

“1T’S JUST TH4T 1 DON’T R34LLY G3T OFF ON B31NG TOPP3D UNL3SS 1T’S PR3TTY SP3C1F1C C1RCUMST4NC3S,” she said, gravid pause implying those pretty specific circumstances had a pretty specific name, and it was not John Egbert.

John scratched his chin. He hadn’t really gotten up close and personal with what was between a troll's legs since that one troll had seduced him in the dream bubbles, but the anatomy was similar enough, minus the writhing, dripping tentacle and substantially increased dampness of the whole affair.

“Could you, maybe, just ride my cock with your nook? Like, from on top of me?”

Terezi was hesitant, then distant for a moment, like she was thinking a little too much.

“Uh, Terezi?”

She shook her head violently.

“Y34H W3 C4N TRY TH4T,” she said. Maybe that would do the job, though the mood had taken something of a beating. All the same, John wriggled out of his pants, then went for Terezi’s fly. Already, her bulge was emerging, writhing under her beloved dragon-print boxers. She stood and kicked pants and boxers onto the floor. John slipped his hand between her thighs, caressing her already-wet nook, as she straddled him again. It was fortunate, Terezi thought, that she was as sensitive as she was, and it certainly made getting things back on track easier. She steadied herself as John stroked and fingered her, extracting little yelps of pleasure. But something was off — she was too vulnerable, too conspicuous. She pushed John onto the bed and straddled his face.

“Uh, Terezi? What’s...” John asked, but he was cut off as Terezi mashed her nook against his face.

“C’MON 3GB3RT DON’T YOU G1V3 H34D?” she asked. John sighed, licking her cool, dripping slit, an admittedly lovely way to get his mind back on sex. A little voice in the back of his mind begged him to find a ticklish spot, just to fuck with her, but between her assertiveness and her glorious musk, John didn’t want to spoil the moment. He began stroking himself, slowly.

Terezi grabbed John’s hair and bucked her hips against his face, giving little squeaks with each thrust. He wasn’t bad on his own, but Terezi loved this control. She rode and rode, and he licked as best he could, drawing urgent breaths whenever his nose was free for a moment. Soon, Terezi clenched her knees tight around his head, and John licked furiously at her slit as she squealed out an orgasm.

“FUCK Y34H,” she said, lifting her dripping crotch from John’s teal-painted face. He sputtered a little, but he smiled, licking his lips clean.

“Alright, you fucking weirdo, you got yours,” he said, feigning anger. “Now how about helping me get mine?”

Terezi nodded hazily, crawling back until she straddled his member. She’d forgotten how warm humans were, she realized, as she slipped his cock between her seed flaps. The heat added an intensity to his girth that fired a shiver up her posture pole.

“Oh, someone likes the alien cock, does she?” John said.

“4SSHOL3,” Terezi muttered, not denying it for a moment. She grabbed one of John’s hands and wrapped his fingers around her bulge. He froze for a moment, so she took his hand and guided it along her writhing shaft. John made a face like a child made to hold a live squid so his parents can get a good photo for emotional blackmail a decade down the line.

“C4N’T 3V3N G1V3 4 G1RL 4 H4NDJOB?” Terezi said, rocking her hips against his. “J3GUS YOU’R3 P4TH3T1C 3GB3RT.”

John groaned and started stroking in earnest. There was no way he was going to give her the satisfaction of making him come first. He thrust back against her movements, eliciting a throaty groan. Rather than retort, John humped with renewed enthusiasm; what better comeback than coming?

Terezi responded with equal fervor, digging her fingertips into John’s shoulders for leverage. This was what she needed — overstimulation and oblivion. A little taste of void. To have the wholeness of her being in this single moment. To be nothing but nook and bulge and sweat and all-consuming sensation that built to bursting inside of her.

“JOHN…” she managed. He nodded and put all he had into his strokes, feeling his own release drawing close.

She cried out first, latching her vicious teeth into John’s shoulder as her tentabulge spurted teal all over the both of them. John cried out in pain, but he was past the point of return all the same, and the agony and ecstasy overwhelmed him as he emptied himself into Terezi’s nook.

She rode his diminishing erection as long as she could, prolonging the bliss. But she could only stay there for so long. Terezi collapsed onto John’s chest, sandwiching her slurry between them. She licked at the bite wounds idly, both of them lost in a daze.

Minutes passed before John returned to his senses.Terezi was… well, quivering was the best word he could find.

“Hey, Terezi?” he asked, stroking her hair. She looked up at him, eyes streaked with teal. She tried to form a word, any word, but nothing survived to pass her lips. John stared, confused. Was this normal? She’d done it the only other time they were together. But now, the lines on her face, the little stresses and squints, were faults and fractures in her failing composure, and only pain shone through.

He babbled, still fuzzy in the afterglow. Are you crying? What’s wrong? Are you okay? But nothing came out of his mouth. So he reached out, set a palm to her cheek, wiping the teal from her face. More welled up in her eyes as she crumbled.

She buried her face against John’s sticky chest and let the sobbing overcome her. John wrapped his arms around her and held her tight as he could.

“Is this okay? Do you want a blanket?” John asked. Whatever fog remained in his mind vanished. Terezi nodded against his chest, and John covered them both as best he could.

They stayed like that for some time, grasping tight to one another. John worried; this was not the Terezi he knew. Even at the worst spot they’d ever been in, when everyone had died and she was dying, she was all piss and vinegar, right to business. He had this very distinct idea about her, that if there was anything to do to change a situation she didn’t like, she’d do it.

“Do you want to talk?” John asked, hushed.

Terezi took a breath, then another.

“YOU KNOW TH3 3GB3RT WHO’S D1SGUST1NGLY 4DOR4BL3 4ND SW33T TO 3V3RYON3?”

“Yeah?”

“COULD YOU B3 TH4T 3GB3RT FOR M3 R1GHT NOW?”

“Yeah, of course,” he said.

“TH4NKS,” she said. She buried her face in his chest again. It hurt to need someone, and it hurt even more to ask. But here she was. She took a moment to calm her wavering voice. “SO 1’V3 B33N OUT 1N TH3 FURTH3ST R1NG LOOK1NG FOR VR1SK4.”

“Right.”

“OUR VR1SK4. TH3 4L1V3 VR1SK4,” she clarified. John’s neck prickled a little at the assessment. “W3LL 1T’S… 1T W4SN’T JUST TO BR1NG H3R HOM3. 1F YOU 3V3R B3L13V3D 1T W4S.”

“What was it for?” John asked. Terezi pinched her eyes and pressed her face to John’s chest.

“1 N33D3D TO T3LL H3R… HOW 1 F3LT 4BOUT H3R. HOW 1 F33L 4BOUT H3R,” she said. “1T’S NOT… R34LLY V3RY P4L3 SO MUCH 4S FLUSH3D. COMPL3T3LY FLUSH3D. 1 LOV3 H3R. 4 LOT.”

She stopped to breathe and to sob a little more.

“1 LOV3 H3R SO MUCH 1T HURTS. 4ND 1 KNOW SH3 D1DN’T LOV3 M3 B4CK. SH3 W4S SO FOCUS3D ON B31NG TH3 B1GG3ST FUCK1NG D34L 1N P4R4DOX SP4C3 TH4T SH3 COULD N3V3R H4V3 T1M3 TO F33L TH4T W4Y 4BOUT SOM3ON3. BUT W1TH LORD 3NGL1SH GON3 1 HOP3D…”

“Maybe that would change?”

Terezi sobbed again.

“1 DON’T KNOW. 1 DON’T 3V3N KNOW! M4YB3 4 L1TTL3? M4YB3 1 JUST W4NT TO PUT THOS3 F33L1NGS 1N H3R F4C3 SO SH3 KNOWS HOW SH3 4FF3CTS M3. 1 DON’T FUCK1NG KNOW. BUT 1 W4NT TO B3…”

“Seen?” John offered. Terezi said nothing; nothing had to be said. She cried into his chest.

“So did you find her?”

“W3LL… NOT QU1T3,” she said. “1 FOUND 4 V3RS1ON OF H3R FROM W3LL… TH3 T1M3L1N3 YOU’R3 FROM. TH3 ON3 W3 R3TCONN3D OUT OF 3X1ST3NC3.”

John’s breath caught for a second. He nodded, trying not to ruminate.

“SH3 W4S W1TH M3 — TH4T 1S TH3 T3R3Z1 TH4T F1GUR3D OUT TH4T P4SSWORD SYST3M. TH3 ON3 WHO GOT H3R S1GHT B4CK.”

Again, John nodded, banishing the vision of Terezi falling dead into her own chalk outline as best he could.

“TH3Y W3R3 TOG3TH3R,” Terezi started, choking back a sob. “M4T3SPR1TS. L1K3 1 4LW4YS W4NT3D.”

John said nothing. Did nothing. Meeting another version of you who had achieved your dearest dream… well, he couldn't relate, but he could imagine all the conflicting feelings bubbling up like some third grader's science fair volcano.

“TH4T OTH3R T3R3Z, TH3 ON3 WHO W4S 4 H3RO, H3LP3D M3… NOT R3M3MB3R, BUT 1 GU3SS TO P1CK UP ON TH1NGS TH4T H4PP3N3D FROM TH4T T1M3L1N3,” Terezi said. “NOT, YOU KNOW, 3V3RYTH1NG 1N D3T41L, BUT 1 H4V3 TH3 BRO4D STROK3S. 3NOUGH TO KNOW WH4T 1T TOOK FOR M3 TO B3COM3 H3R. WH4T 1 H4D TO GO THROUGH. MURD3R1NG VR1SK4.”

“Okay,” John said. So he and Roxy weren’t the only people who remembered. He found his attention just a little more rapt.

“4ND 1T W4S TH3 S4M3 W1TH GHOST VR1SK4. SH3 CUT H3R, H41R CH4NG3D H3R CLOTH3S, GOT 4 T4TTOO 4ND 4 BUNCH OF P13RC1NGS. SH3 W4S NOTH1NG L1K3 4NY VR1SK4 1’V3 3V3R KNOWN. SH3 D1DN’T 3V3N 4CT TH3 S4M3. SH3 W4S SO… 1 DON’T KNOW, OP3N?

“TH3Y H3LP3D M3 LOOK FOR MY VR1SK4. BOTH OF TH3M. FOR W33KS. 4ND J3GUS, TH3Y W3R3 SO FUCK1NG H4PPY TOG3TH3R TH3 WHOL3 T1M3. TH3Y T4LK3D SO MUCH 4BOUT TH31R STUP1D F33L1NGS.”

“So, is that a problem?”

“W3LL 3V3NTU4LLY 1 K1ND OF… 1 W4NT3D TO KNOW WH4T 1T WOULD T4K3 TO H4V3 4 R3L4T1ONSH1P W1TH VR1SK4 L1K3 TH31RS. NO STUP1D B4CKST4BB1NG OR W31RD S4V3-TH3-WORLD S3LF-1MPORT4NT SH1T. JUST, YOU KNOW, N1C3. SO D34D T3R3Z1 4ND 1 US3D OUR POW3RS, 4ND W3 S34RCH3D.”

“What did you find?”

Terezi said nothing. She held John a little tighter, silently breathing against his chest.

“Terezi? What did you find?”

“NOTH1NG,” she managed at last.

“Nothing? Like, what do you mean nothing?”

“DON’T M4K3 M3 S4Y 1T,” she said, weakly holding back a fresh wave of tears.

“If you’re not ready…”

Terezi took a breath. Fucking idiot Egbert. She should’ve gone to Dave or Karkat or literally anyone else on this stupid fucking planet.

“TH3R3’S NO W4Y VR1SK4 4ND 1 COULD 3ND UP TOG3TH3R, L1K3 TH4T, W1THOUT 3ND1NG TH3 WORLD,” she managed. “1T TOOK M3 MURD3R1NG H3R 4ND 3V3RYTH1NG G3TT1NG TOT4LLY FUCK1NG D3STROY3D TO M4K3 M3 TH3 K1ND OF P3RSON WHO COULD B3 FLUSH3D W1TH VR1SK4. TH4T’S JUST HOW 1T 1S. 1 COULD M4K3 4 THOUS4ND UN1V3RS3S, 4ND 1 COULD N3V3R H4V3 WH4T 1 W4NT. P4R4DOX SP4C3 TOLD M3 TO GO FUCK MYS3LF 4S H4RD 4S TH3OR3T1C4LLY POSS1BL3, B3C4US3 1T DO3SN’T M4TT3R HOW H4RD 1 WORK. 1F 1 W4NT TO B3 H4PPY, 3V3RYON3 3LS3 H4S TO FUCK1NG LOS3!”

She dug her nails into the bedsheets, tight enough to tear, as sobs racked her anew. John said nothing. He just held on for his life. What do you even say to that? She was in an ocean of grief, and here he could only beg for mercy in the face of an oncoming hurricane. John did all he could as he fumbled for something to say.

“Do you feel like it’s your fault?”

“DO 1 WH4T?!” Terezi asked, puffy red eyes wide as she could manage. John backpedaled, sputtering “um”s and “uh”s. But Terezi just kept staring as teal ran down her face. She opened her mouth but stopped halfway, shaking her head and blinking. “1 DON’T…” she started, stalling.

Terezi turned the question over and over. Did she feel like this was her fault? Well, she’d essentially confirmed her fear that she was too broken to be happy in front of living proof of the matter. She couldn’t really imagine feeling any lower or more worthless. But, was it her fault?

“1 DON’T KNOW,” she admitted, distant. She hadn’t really approached the question from that direction. John stopped talking and regarded Terezi carefully for a moment.

“I mean, if you know you couldn’t win no matter what you did, it doesn’t make sense that you would,” he said, eventually. “It’s like this line from this show Rose made me watch one time. Uh, ‘you can commit no errors and still lose. That’s not a crime. That’s life.’ So, I know this really hurts, but, uh, make sure you aren’t blaming yourself for it, I guess.”

Terezi sniffled.

“TH4T’S NOT 1T, 1 DON’T TH1NK,” she said, tentative. “1T’S JUST S4DN3SS 1 GU3SS. 1’M S4D TH4T 1’M TOO BROK3N TO G3T WH4T 1 W4NT.”

“Too broken?” John wondered. “Uh, Terezi, that kinda sounds like you’re blaming yourself. I mean, I don’t know all of the details, but it sounds like you feel like if you were more like that ghost Terezi you could get what you want, right?”

Again, Terezi pondered. That was basically the logical conclusion to her train of thought, or at least she could see the connection.

“K1ND OF,” she allowed. “OR 1 DUNNO, M4YB3 TH3 R1GHT WORD 1S…”

Terezi paused. The last word sat on her tongue, bitter, as her head throbbed. She had no more tears to muster. John ran his hand up her arm, then, when it found its home, he let his thumb explore. She leaned into his touch and took a deep breath.

“1’M SC4R3D,” she said. “1’M SC4R3D TH4T 1’M SO D4M4G3D TH4T TH3R3 1SN’T 3NOUGH M3 TH3R3 TO M4K3 4 H4PPY P3RSON.” She pinched her eyes shut, buried her face against John’s chest, muffling her words.

“1’M SC4R3D TH3R3 R34LLY 1SN’T 4NYTH1NG TO M3 4T 4LL L1K3 1’M JUST SOM3 HOLLOW SH3LL OF QU1RKY B3H4V1OR H1D1NG TH3 F4CT TH4T 1T’S 4LL 3MPTY OR L1K3 TH3R3’S SOM3 P4RT OF M3 TH4T’S JUST M1SS1NG.”

John curled his fingers in her hair, clutching her tight.

“Terezi, no,” John said. He kissed her head, ran his hand down her arm, then up again, then across her back. “You’re, well, you! I mean, you used to piss me off all of the time with your weird mind games. But when you weren’t screwing around, you were doing the coolest stuff.”

“DON’T M3SS W1TH M3 L1K3 TH4T, JOHN,” Terezi said.

“I’m not!” John insisted. She was being brave; he owed her at least that much. “I said it on the lilypad and I’ll say it again now. I think you’re really cool, and you’re one of the smartest, most clever people I know, and I’m talking any species. And you really care about people a lot, you know? You’re fucking awesome! And you’ve done so many incredible, brave, weird things. How could I be joking?”

Terezi’s face tightened.

“DO YOU M34N M3, OR DO YOU M34N TH3 GHOST YOU KN3W?” she asked.

“You,” he said. “Every you. And trust me, I knew that Terezi. I was there when she figured out how to fix everything. Sure, you had different stuff to deal with, but you’re both Terezi, and you’re capable of everything she was.”

“JOHN,” she said, sobs threatening again.

“You don’t have to fix yourself,” he said. “You’re enough right now.”

She crumpled into his chest again. How the hell he’d bumbled into exactly what she needed to hear didn’t really matter at that moment. They held each other tight as the sobs wracked her. But she would calm, as all storms must eventually, and she and John would fall asleep, entwined in each other’s arms.


	2. Boreal Forms

John awoke sometime in the middle of the night, chilled from Terezi’s touch and crusted with troll cum. He disentangled himself from their knot of limbs and sat on the edge of the bed. He stared at Terezi, bare and, if he was honest with himself, a particular kind of lovely he had trouble describing, there on his bed. Even with smudged lipstick and still-puffy eyes, her placid expression warmed his heart.

It struck John just how much he missed her. All of her, not just the sentimental moments like this. She was weird, but it was the good kind of weird, the kind that kept him on his toes and made things exciting. Hell, if he was honest, getting dive-bombed and hatefucked made tonight the most exciting night he’d had in years.

John’s spirits sank. He’d spent so many days waiting for something to happen, and now, each weighed upon him. What had he been doing with himself all this time?

“Pathetic,” he sighed, and he called his godtier PJs from the void. Gliding a few inches above the ground so as not to wake Terezi, he slipped out of the bedroom and back onto the deck. And for the second time that night, he stared up at the sky.

Terezi’s words from earlier bubbled up. Like some part of her was just missing, and she could never be happy as a consequence. The idea hit close — too close. Maybe Terezi wasn’t the only one who had missing pieces.

John leaned against the wall. He didn’t like thoughts like these. They dug a little too deep, and his mind drifted to Jade, all alone for two years on that ship; of Dave, who got way too sincere way too often; of Roxy, who was all but married to that cherub; of them and of many others besides. Those three years changed them, all of them, made them uncanny. On nights like this, it was easy to play with the idea that his friends and family were all dead, and he was ultimately surrounded by strangers.

Those thoughts drove him up to the deck on more nights than he liked to admit, even to himself. It wasn’t too bad for the first year or two. But over time, the divides became too jarring. It wasn’t dramatic, either. One day, he woke up, and when he saw Dad Crocker, he couldn’t pretend he saw his own father any longer. Disillusionment cut him off person by person, friend by friend. His best friend and his own sister had to insist on coming by to celebrate his 19th birthday. Some days, he’d have sworn something in his head was broken, but John didn’t have a clue how to start fixing it. He didn’t even know what “it” was, really.

Someone coughed, and John turned toward the open door. Terezi stood just outside, wrapped in a comforter. Concern cut through John’s reverie, and he strode over to her.

“Hey, you okay?” he asked, worrying her inside.

“WH4T TH3 FUCK 1S 34T1NG YOU?” she asked. John blinked.

“Wait, what? I asked you first.”

“1 DON’T C4R3,” she said. “YOU’R3 MOP1NG ON TH3 D3CK 1N TH3 M1DDL3 OF TH3 N1GHT. 4LSO YOU L3FT TH3 DOOR OP3N, 4ND YOUR WHOL3 HOUS3 1S FR33Z1NG NOW. SO TH4NKS FOR TH4T.”

“Sorry,” he said, wincing. “I’ll turn up the thermostat.”

“GR34T. 4ND W3’LL T4LK WH1L3 W3’R3 1N YOUR 4BLUT1ON TR4P,” she said.

“Wait, why are we going to my bathroom?” he asked.

“OH SO YOU M4G1C4LLY CL34N3D 4LL OF MY G3N3T1C SLURRY OFF OF YOU? 1S TH4T ON3 OF YOUR STUP1D GODT13R SUP3RPOW3RS, 3GB3RT? B3C4US3 1’M ST1LL F1LTHY.”

John became aware of the dry, crusty substance caked on, well, most of the hair between his knees and his shoulders.

“Ugh, yeah, I’m pretty gross,” he admitted. He followed her inside and — oh, wow, it did get cold. Had he really been outdoors that long? He stopped and shivered.

Terezi continued toward the restroom, and John paused to watch her go. She was acting more like her usual self now. With a sigh of relief, he turned and walked downstairs into the living room. Seeing her like... that...  was scary. John didn’t always enjoy her taking charge whenever the two of them were together, but to see her so wounded, so vulnerable...

Fuck.

There it went.

This wasn’t his Terezi. His Terezi died a long time ago in a universe she’d helped unmake. His shoulders drooped as he fiddled with the thermostat, feeling used and alone.

“Maybe I have it backwards,” he muttered. “I’m the one who doesn’t belong here.”

“H3Y 3GB3RT! G3T 1N WH1L3 TH3 W4T3R’S HOT!” Terezi shouted down the stairs. John stared upstairs and sighed. A part of him wanted to walk out the front door and just go until there was no more going to do. Maybe if he just left his past behind, he could pull together something new to take its place. It wouldn’t help, but it was a nice fantasy to entertain, even for a moment.

Besides, he reminded himself, he was still covered with — and reeking of — stale troll fluids. His lips curled into an unconscious smile. Maybe it was a little funny as well as gross. What would people say if one of the creators of the universe was found catnapping in a hammock in a mangrove swamp he didn’t realize was a stone’s throw from some resort, glazed in teal ejaculate like a shame-flavored donut? He’d never live it down!

Alright, that was enough. Time to get clean. He snapped away his clothes and started up the stairs. In passing, he noted his comforter in the middle of the hall, smeared with teal, a problem that could wait until tomorrow, thanks very much.

Terezi was lounging in the tub when John came in. Steam already covered the mirror.

“D1D YOU G3T LOST?” she asked.

“Did you know you’re washing yourself with my conditioner?”

“NOT MY F4ULT YOUR 4BLUT1ON TR4P 1SN’T 4CC3SS1BL3 FOR TH3 V1SU4LLY CH4LL3NG3D TROLL,” she said, nonchalant. “G1V3 M3 4 H4ND?”

John passed Terezi the soap. She took the bar, sniffed it, then took a bite. It was one of those luxury soap bars with lotion in it, the ones Kanaya bought him as a polite way of saying his pre-Sburb AXE body wash was unbecoming of a deity.

“Seriously?”

Terezi stared at him as she chewed and swallowed the soap. She licked her lips.

“WH4T?” she asked, incredulous, as she lathered herself. John rolled his eyes and sighed. At least they weren’t talking about his feelings. He slipped into the opposite end of the bathtub and shivered as blood rushed back to his extremities. Terezi sniffed.

“I SM3LL BON3R,” she said.

“It was cold out,” John said, deadpan. “Now I’m warm. Do you want me to find a textbook and give you a lecture on how my penis works?”

“NOP3. 1’M NOT 1NTO SCHOOLF3D ROL3PL4Y,” she replied, rinsing her chest. John started to pull together a retort, something about spankings with rulers, but she interrupted before he could make it work, saying “TURN 4ROUND. 1’LL SO4P YOU UP WH1L3 W3 T4LK 4BOUT WH4T’S FUCK1NG W1TH YOUR TH1NK P4N.”

Oh, this. John sighed, uncomfortable, and turned around to face the wall. No surprise, the water was already a little cooler at Terezi’s end of the tub. But, upside, she was surprisingly delicate with the shower sponge on his back. She set her free hand on his shoulder, rubbing just a little.

“WH3N3V3R YOU’R3 R34DY,” she said, softly.

“I didn’t know you had a tender side,” John murmured.

“4 G1RL C4N H4V3 H3R S3CR3TS,” she answered, ignoring his barb. “C’MON JOHN. WH4T’S UP?”

He sighed.

“I don’t know what I’m doing here,” he said. “You know what you were saying about the timeline I come from?”

“Y34H?”

“Roxy and I are the only ones who survived it. And Jasprosesprite^2, I guess, but that’s…”

“Y34H 1 G3T YOU,” Terezi said.

John sucked his teeth.

“Yeah, she isn’t Rose,” he said. “So I don’t know. I feel kinda out-of-place, I guess. Like everyone else has families and important jobs and stuff, but I’m just kinda… I don’t know, kinda just here.”

“WH4T DO YOU DO W1TH YOUR L1F3?” she asked. Moving closer, she reached around him and started washing his chest.

“I dunno,” he said. “Not much, really. I mean, I’m a king or something, I guess. But Jane and Dad do most of the baby kissing and ribbon cutting stuff. And the humans don’t really need a ruler. They’re doing fine without me.”

John slumped forward.

“Just like everyone else, I guess.”

Terezi paused. They sat in silence for a moment.

“WH1CH ON3’S TH3 SH4MPOO?” she asked.

“Purple bottle,” John said, staring at the water. Terezi frowned. She pumped a dollop of shampoo into her palm and started working it into John’s scalp. Gently, she leaned him back against her.

“DO3S TH4T F33L GOOD?” she asked.

John sighed.

“Yeah, that’s nice,” he said. Terezi could feel him relaxing against her, little by little. Time to keep working.

“SO HOW 4R3 YOUR FR13NDS?” she said. “HOW 4R3 D4V3 4ND ROS3 4ND 4LL OF TH3M?”

John tensed against Terezi, not a lot, but enough.

“They’re doing good, both of them,” John said. “Rose and Kanaya are running the brooding caverns. They’re doing pretty well, but they’re super busy down there. Never would have thought Rose was the mother type, but people change.”

Another sigh and a little more tension. Feedback’s feedback.

“Dave is… well, he’s doing his digging thing all the time with Jade and Karkat. We snap all the time, but lately he’s been asking me for all this help with… well, can you keep this secret?”

“SUR3,” Terezi said. She lowered John’s head into the bathwater and rinsed his hair clean, enjoying how smooth and soft it got underwater.

“So Dave is going to propose. To Karkat,” John said. “And he’s asking me for help on everything. It’s like he’s so scared of screwing it up he can’t make choices on his own. I don’t know why he’s asking me instead of Jade. From what she tells me, Karkat would say yes if Dave got a plastic ring out of a vending machine and asked while Karkat was on the toilet. I mean, he’d have a tantrum, but he’d say yes.”

Terezi sputtered and laughed at the image. It was pretty funny, John had to admit. He giggled at the idea of an irate Karkat chasing Dave around their house, pants around his ankles, demanding Dave give him the engagement ring so he could wear it while he illustrated all the ways in which Dave was a terrible boyfriend and worse fiance.

“They’re great for each other, really,” John said. “Dave is so much more open about stuff around Karkat.”

Again, John sank. Terezi started working conditioner into his scalp.

“W3LL 1’M NOT H3R3 TO F1X YOUR L34KY 4NGU1SH BL4DD3R BUT 1T SOUNDS L1K3 YOU F33L K1ND OF 1SOL4T3D,” she said. Her fingers continued their ministrations.

“I guess,” John said. “It’s like... “ He paused, taking a breath.

“GO ON,” Terezi said.

“It’s like I don’t know them,” John admitted. “They’re different people. I mean I guess we have everything that happened before…” Before Vriska died, he almost said, but he caught himself. “Before we left for Roxy and Dirk and everyone’s universe, but some days I just don’t recognize who they’ve become. They’re strangers, and I can’t help but think all of my friends died in a failed timeline.”

Terezi said nothing for a moment, rubbing John’s head.

“YOU ONLY 3V3R P1TCH-FL1RT3D W1TH TH4T T3R3Z1,” she said. “BUT W3 4CTU4LLY D1D SOM3TH1NG 4BOUT 1T. W4S TH4T NOT R34L?”

“What? No! Of course it was real!” he said. “That was, you know, us. The two of us right here, John Egbert and Terezi Pyrope us.”

“SO YOU DON’T F33L L1K3 TH4T 4BOUT M3? L1K3 YOUR T3R3Z1 1S D34D 4ND 1’M 4 STR4NG3R?”

“Of course not!” He drifted back, first to the lilypad, when Karkat made him confront his feelings. When he and Terezi talked things through about maybe having the potential to be mutual. Then, it was the night they’d shared on Earth C, her only night on-planet before leaving to find Vriska. Maybe this wasn’t the Terezi who’d helped him with his retcon powers, but this Terezi meant something to him too, something different. “You’re all the Terezi I could want.”

“S3TTL3 DOWN P1TCHW1GGL3R,” she said. “1’M 4LL TH3 T3R3Z1 YOU C4N H4NDL3 TOO.”

“Not what I was going for, but yeah, that’s true,” he said, lightening up a little. He relaxed into her embrace.

“OK4Y, SO W1TH TH4T 3ST4BL1SH3D, DON’T YOU H4V3 FOUR Y34RS OF M3MOR13S W1TH TH3S3 V3RS1ONS OF 4LL OF OUR FR13NDS?” she asked.

It was a good point. John mulled it over in his head for a moment. Terezi held him close, enjoying his warmth.

“You know, you’re right,” he admitted. “But I still feel like, I don’t know, like their lives are nothing like mine anymore, you know? Like, half of them are married or getting married. My teen nanna runs a huge corporation. And I’m just kind of… here.”

“SO WH4T DO YOU DO W1TH YOUR T1M3?”

John shrugged.

“Kinda whatever,” he said. “I watch movies. I code a little, but I’m still really bad at it. I like walking a lot, honestly. But not in the cities anymore. Too many people recognize me, and I kind of hate everybody knowing who I am.”

“SO NO HOBB13S? NO JOB? NO GO4LS?”

“I guess not, no,” he said.

“J3GUS 3GB3RT YOU R34LLY C4N’T FUNCT1ON W1THOUT M3 H3R3,” she said.

“Hey!” John said, indignant, turning.

“YOU CUT YOURS3LF OFF FROM YOUR FR13NDS. YOU DON’T H4V3 4NY GO4LS OR HOBB13S OR 4NYTH1NG. 4ND YOU WOND3R WHY YOU’R3 D3PR3SS3D?” she asked.

“Well, you know what, Terezi, you can just...” John exclaimed, hoping he’d come up with a good retort by the time he got to that point in his sentence. He drew a blank. This witty repartee was easier in Pesterchum.

“JUST WH4T? T3LL YOU TO G3T YOUR TH1NK P4N OUT OF YOUR W4ST3 CHUT3 4ND GO H4NG OUT W1TH YOUR FR13NDS? S4V3 YOU FROM TH1NK1NG YOURS3LF TO D34TH?”

She’d won and then some, and John knew it. He slouched forward in the tub. The water was stained teal and cooled down besides, thanks to miss tile-floor-temperature-at-all-times Pyrope.

“I probably should do that,” he said. “Thanks, Terezi.”

“4NY T1M3 BUDDY,” she said. “NOW G3T UP 4ND L3T M3 W4SH MY H41R.”

John stood and, looking once more at how deep a teal Terezi’s cum had tinted the water, sighed. Then he smirked. Without a word, he flicked the shower on, dousing Terezi with hot water.

“FUCK!” she cried, flailing. “D4MM1T 3GB3RT! WH4T TH3 SH1T?”

He shrugged, feigning innocence.

“Too much troll cum in the water,” he said. “We’re just gonna dye ourselves teal before we get clean at this point.”

Terezi stood and set the tub to draining, wearing her irritation like a wet cat.

“TH4T WORD’S 4WFUL,” she said, rubbing shampoo into her hair. “C4N’T YOU JUST S4Y SLURRY L1K3 NORM4L P3OPL3?”

“Eugh, that’s even worse!” John said as he soaped his face up.

“W3LL 4T L34ST 1T’S 4 T3CHN1C4L T3RM,” Terezi said. “CUM 1S JUST SL4NG.”

“A troll technical term,” John shot back, rinsing his head. “Humans don’t have slurry. We have semen. But whatever it is, we’re using a bucket next time.”

“N3XT T1M3?” Terezi asked. John blushed.

“Sorry, I just kind of… I mean, with everything you said, I’d like to still, you know… well I mean you’re not leaving the planet again, right?”

Terezi sighed, sliding past John into the steaming water. She said nothing for a few moments as she rinsed her hair clean. John’s guts twisted and writhed. Maybe he was hoping a little too hard something would come out of this. Maybe not being alone felt really nice. And maybe he was jumping the gun a little, and maybe she really didn’t feel the way he did, but it sure seemed…

“L3T’S T4LK 1N TH3 MORN1NG,” she said. “TH4T’S NOT 4 NO 1T’S 4… W3LL 1T’S L4T3 1S WH4T 1T 1S.”

Neither said anything for a long moment, their silence thicker than the steam.

“1 DO C4R3 4BOUT YOU JOHN,” Terezi said, interrupting. “1’M NOT GO1NG TO 4B4NDON YOU TO ST3W FOR 4NOTH3R FOUR Y34RS.”

John sighed, and Terezi smiled, just a little, in that unconscious, relaxed way.

“Well, we’re not exactly doing the by-the-book kismesis thing anymore, are we?” he said. “Karkat would call us scandalous.”

“K33P T3LL1NG YOURS3LF TH4T 3GB3RT,” she said.

“You just _bathed_ me, Terezi. How is tonight not a major shift in our dynamic?”

“B3C4US3 NO M4TT3R WHO YOU T3LL NOBODY W1LL 3V3R B3L13V3 1T H4PP3N3D,” she said, Cheshire cat grin splitting what remained of her black lipstick. John scratched his head for a moment before his mouth fell agape, as though in slow motion, and he pointed at her, silent. His lips slowly curled into a smile.

“Well played, Terezi,” he said. “Well fucking played.”


	3. Zephyr

Terezi woke up before dawn, clinging to John’s back like a sloth. He wasn’t the most picturesque of sleepers, drool pooling on his pillowcase, but she’d long since rotated his face away. Besides, he was so content when he was the little spoon, always cuddling back into her embrace. And he had a nice butt, which helped. If she could figure out where his hang-up was, it probably wouldn’t be too hard to get a finger or tongue in there. From there, it would only be a matter of time before she had him bouncing on her bulge. All she had to do was stick around and do her thing.

But there was the big question. It sat around her neck like a noose. Staying on Earth C meant admitting defeat, giving up on Vriska. Could she really accept what she’d seen in the slowly shattering abyss? Did she have it in her to truly let go of that love she’d wanted for nearly a third of her life now? She couldn’t breathe when she thought about it too hard.

But laying here with this soft dork and his shitty pranks and big heart… if life on Earth C felt like this all of the time, she might be able to make it work.

John stirred a little in his sleep, then sunk deeper into her embrace, butt rubbing against Terezi’s boxers in just the right way. She flushed a little and snickered a lot as her bulge emerged from its sheath, wriggling against John’s ass. He had no right to be this goddamn endearing when he wasn’t even conscious; it would be wrong not to fuck with him a little. She guided her bulge out of her fly, letting it flick his across warm, soft skin.

“Huh?” John muttered, half-awake. “Uh, what’s… WHOA!” he said, as the cold, wet damp on his ass pulled him fully into the waking world. He tried to get away from Terezi’s wriggling tentacle.

“MORN1NG 3GB3RT,” Terezi said, holding him in place. “SL33P W3LL?”

“I said no butt stuff!” he exclaimed.

“1 H4V3 NO 1D34 WH4T YOU’R3 R3F3RR1NG TO,” she half-whispered into his ear.

“Your bulge is trying to crawl into my ass, Terezi! Knock it off!”

“OH SORRY JOHN. 1’M NOT TRY1NG TO P41L OR 4NYTH1NG,” she said. “YOUR HUM4N T3RM 1S ‘MORN1NG WOOD’ R1GHT?”

“Eugh, it feels like a tongue,” he groaned. “You’re getting me all slobbery and stuff! That’s so gross!”

Terezi cackled, then licked his ear. He shivered, clenching his butt cheeks tight together. But Terezi let him go, rolling onto her back. She’d had her fun for now. Freed, John also rolled onto his back to protect himself from any further shenanigans Terezi and her wild teal tentabulge might have in store. Still, he couldn’t help but smile a little; fucking around with Terezi fit like an old boot, comfortable as much for its familiarity as anything else. He didn’t want to stare and come off too sentimental, so he gazed out of the window at the eastern sky, which was growing ever so slightly brighter.

“Sun’ll be up soon,” he said. “Want coffee?” It felt right to at least offer a lover coffee after a night together, and she really didn’t need to know how often he still ate the Earth C equivalent of Fruity Pebbles for breakfast.

“SUR3 BUT C4N W3 H4V3 1T ON TH3 D3CK?” she asked. “1’V3 N3V3R F3LT 4 SUNR1S3.” The deathly, blinding heat of day on Alternia hardly counted.

“Sure,” John said. He sat up and, snapping his godtier outfit on, made for the kitchen. “I don’t really have chairs out there. We could bring the couch out from the living room if you like.”

“1’LL G3T TH4T,” she said. Right, trolls and their powerful muscles.

Not long later, John and Terezi sat on the couch, coffee in hand, entwined in each other, bathed in the first rays of dawn.

“1T’S W4RM,” Terezi said. “TH3 SUN 1S SO G3NTL3 H3R3. 3V3RYTH1NG ON YOUR PL4N3T F33LS G3NTL3.”

John just smiled. Hard to say how long it had been since he’d woken up this early, since he’d bathed in dawn’s rays. It was nice. This, all of it, whatever it was, was nice.

He sipped his coffee and leaned his head against Terezi's shoulder. The brew was light and sweet, full of condensed milk, the way Jade made it on the ship. He’d forgotten that. Yet he'd taken to drinking his coffee like this every day. Did this Jade still drink her coffee like this? He'd have to ask.

“SO JOHN,” Terezi said, breaking the silence. “W3 SHOULD T4LK 4BOUT L4ST N1GHT.”

Oh boy. John sipped his coffee, bracing for rejection.

“1'M NOT R34DY. TO ST4Y H3R3 1 M34N. ON 34RTH C. 1'M NOT…” she stopped to find her words, sipping from the mug in her hands. “3V3RYON3 1S GO1NG TO H4V3 QU3ST1ONS 1'M NOT R34DY TO 4NSW3R. 3SP3C14LLY K4RK4T 4ND K4N4Y4.”

“You don't have to…” John said, running his fingers through her coarse hair.

“1F 1 DON'T TH3Y'R3 JUST GO1NG TO WORRY,” she said. “1 C4N'T 'CR4ZY W4CKY T3R3Z1' MY W4Y OUT OF 1T. ”

John nodded, then kissed her forehead. The coffee helped him act like her words weren’t stuffing his guts with ice.

“So what will you do?” he asked, keeping his composure.

Terezi shrugged.

“1’M NOT SUR3,” she said. “M4YB3 TH1NK. M4YB3 T4LK TO SOM3 GHOSTS. 1 JUST N33D T1M3.”

Silence. Birds chirped in the dawn glow.

“What about us?” John asked.

“1 DON'T KNOW,” Terezi said, a little distant. “DON'T W4NT TO M4K3 YOU MY R3BOUND QU4DR4NT 4ND 4CC1D3NT4LLY PROJ3CT F33L1NGS 1 H4V3 FOR SOM3ON3 3LS3. TH4T WOULDN'T B3 F41R.”

It made sense, but it still hurt.

“You're always welcome here if you need somewhere to sleep,” John said, sorrow bleeding into what he tried to make a cheery invitation. He really didn’t want to cry right now.

Terezi said nothing for a moment, sniffing her coffee and leaning into John's embrace.

“HOW 4BOUT TON1GHT?”

“Huh?”

Terezi sighed melodramatically.

“4LR1GHT, P4Y 4TT3NT1ON FUCKB3RT,” she said, tone sharp as he'd ever heard it. “1'M GO1NG TO SP4C3, BUT TON1GHT 1'LL COM3 B4CK H3R3 4ND CR4WL 1NTO B3D W1TH YOU.”

John's mind took a moment to process her suggestion.

“BUT YOU N33D TO G3T SOM3 K1ND OF MO1STUR3-PROOF TH1NG FOR YOUR B3D. F1L14L P41LS 4R3 TH3 WORST 4ND 1 4M NOT SL33P1NG ON YOUR M4TTR3SS WH3N W3 TURN 1T 1NTO 4 SLURRY-SPONG3,” she said.

John cringed at the mental picture.

“Wait, weren't you just saying you didn't want to date me on the rebound?”

Terezi set her empty coffee cup down and flopped into John's lap.

“NOT PUTT1NG YOU 1N 4 QU4DR4NT N3RD,” she said. “WOULD YOU R4TH3R 1 SL3PT ON YOUR COUCH WH1L3 1 F1GUR3 MY SH1T OUT?”

John rolled his eyes.

“You can't just be straightforward, can you?”

“4WW YOU R34LLY DO H4T3 M3 L1K3 TH4T,” she said. She puckered her lips, inviting a kiss. John bent down, but Terezi licked his face and cackled.

“Yeah, alright, it's too early for this,” he said, standing abruptly and rolling Terezi onto the deck. He drained his coffee and stretched his back, pointedly ignoring the less-than-amused troll who lay on the ground in front of him. She grabbed his leg and rolled; his flailing arm catapulted his mug away to parts unknown, and he landed with a thud, half on the couch. It wouldn't do to break her pail-pal's head, after all. She stood, brushed herself off and offered John a hand.

“TRUC3?” She asked.

John took her hand, then pulled her towards him. His mental picture involved her landing atop him just so, hard but comfortable, and him saying truce before going in for a kiss worthy of a movie star. He had plenty of time to review how bad that idea was as Terezi's forehead smacked right into his own with a hollow thunk. Both swore and held their heads in pain.

“Okay truce! Fuck, ouch!” He said. “That was dumb.”

“FUCK1NG… NO SH1T 3GB3RT!” Still rubbing her head, Terezi pulled her jetpack from her sylladex. “1’M G3TT1NG OUT OF H3R3 B3FOR3 YOU CR4CK MY SKULL TRY1NG TO B3 CUT3, FUCK4SS.”

“Yeah, that’s probably smart,” John said. “I’m enough of a trainwreck on my own without your help.”

Terezi laughed. Sparing a hand to flip John the bird, she streaked away into the morning sky, calling “1’LL T3XT WH3N 1’M ON MY W4Y B4CK!”

“Bye, idiot!” John shouted. He was unsure if she heard him over the roar. But he smiled all the same. The sun warmed his skin as he stared at Terezi’s contrail. When was the last time he’d been so warm? Maybe last year, before fall and winter rolled in. Maybe it was longer than that. Hard to say. He was not in the habit of marking the last warm morning of fall. That was something for Jade and her almanac.

Speaking of whom, John pulled his phone out and snapped a selfie with the dawn behind him, sending it to her with an invitation to get lunch. It’d be nice to catch up, and she worried about him so much. Maybe they’d talk about Dave’s proposal plans, or maybe about her garden. He really didn’t mind what, if he was honest with himself. And the more he thought, the more excited he got. He buzzed with energy; he’d spent half the night awake, and it didn’t make sense, and he didn’t care. Laughter rumbled deep within him, then erupted, senseless and carefree.

He fell to the ground and missed. Hanging in midair, he curled like a giddy pillbug, and soon, he was tumbling through the air and laughing like a child. His eyes teared up, and he gasped for breath between spasms of hysteria.

When John landed back on the deck, he felt fresh and bright, like a meadow after a thunderstorm. He sighed and slumped onto the couch. It still smelled vaguely of Terezi. He smiled.

With a yawn, he stood and went for his wallet; time to get the couch inside. He patted its usual home in his pocket, but the telltale bulge was absent. He jammed his hand in to confirm, finding a scrap of paper in its place. On it was a black spade, drawn in… yeah, definitely Terezi’s lipstick.

Of course she stole his wallet. John sighed, defeated, and stared at his couch. No wallet, no sylladex, no easy way to get it back inside.

“Dammit, Terezi.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to @therebewhaleshere for beta-reading and to @lumeninfusco for encouraging me to go through with writing this.


End file.
